|September 22, 2013||Posted by Staff under Art and Letters|
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~ Aesop
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~ Oscar Ameringer
The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~ Henry Cate VII
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. ~ Clarence Darrow
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~ Charles de Gaulle
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. ~ John Kenneth Galbraith
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~ Tex Guinan
An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. ~ Alfred A. Knopf
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~ Nikita Khrushchev
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~ Doug Larson
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~ Jay Leno
Microeconomics concerns things that economists are specifically wrong about, while macroeconomics concerns things economists are wrong about generally. Or to be more technical, microeconomics is about money you don’t have, and macroeconomics is about money the government is out of. ~ P. J. O’Rourke
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today. ~ Laurence J. Peter
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~ John Quinton
There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on senators. ~ Will Rogers
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven. ~ Will Rogers
If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. ~ George Bernard Shaw
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. ~ Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952
A person should want to live, if only out of curiosity. ~ Yiddish Proverb
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~ Author unknown
An economist told his students: “There are three kinds of economists: those who can count, and those who can’t.” ~ Anonymous
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.”
A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, You wouldn’t believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden.”
The prisoner wrote another letter back: “Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce.” ~ Anonymous
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks, “What do two plus two equal?” The mathematician replies, “Four.” The interviewer asks, “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says, “Yes, four, exactly.”
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question, “What do two plus two equal?” The accountant says, “On average, four – give or take ten percent, but on average, four.”
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question, “What do two plus two equal?” The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says, “What do you want it to equal?”
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be Gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… I must be a God!
CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.